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Wed 12 Jan 2011 11:08am

Everyone I’ve seen lately, friends and strangers alike, have been wishing me Happy New Year. While I know that some really mean the wish and others are just saying it because that’s the thing they do this time of year, it’s really gotten me thinking about “happiness.” What is happiness and do I have it in my life? How do we get to be one of the happy ones?

I look back on the recent months and see many happy moments. I don’t have to look back any farther than the Family Christmas Eve service to remember being filled with much happiness. It was easy to feel good with our baby Jesus and his beaming smile, an adorable runaway cow, a Chinese Mexican shepherd, a proud young man carrying our star, true multigenerational community, and beautiful angels all over our sanctuary. The good feelings for me continued at a Christmas Eve celebration with my family and with a wonderful Christmas morning with my daughters. I would soon need these happy memories to get through some sadder moments.

I also don’t have to look back any farther than Christmas to remember feeling alone and sad. My girls left mid-morning on Christmas Day to travel with their dad. I was home by myself and despite a few dinner invites from friends, spending Christmas without family felt awful. It was also the 15th anniversary of the year my grandfather died on Christmas Eve from an unexpected heart attack. I couldn’t seem to get that overwhelming Christmas Eve out of my mind.

We all have really sad moments in our lives. Some people feel comfortable talking about them, but many of us don’t. I was raised in a family where we didn’t talk about our problems. I learned messages such as, “Speak only if you have something good to share. No one wants to hear about your problems.” Fortunately, I’ve met some people in my adult years who have taught me the value of sharing feelings, talking about our bad days, and being a whole person.

When Kelly and I were talking about her miscarriages, she told me that some of her friends were surprised to hear how freely she would tell people that she had miscarried. And yet, the more people she told, the more people she met who also had miscarriages (or other childbearing struggles). Many people don’t want to talk about their personal tragedies, and yet there is great healing and connection in knowing that you aren’t alone. That’s what happened in the classic story Buddha and the Mustard Seed. Buddha tells a boy dealing with the loss of a loved one that he will find healing once he can find a home in their village that has not had to deal with death. The boy couldn’t find a home because every family had suffered in one way or another, but the boy did find comfort in meeting so many kind people.

To me, that’s an important part of our community here. As the Director of Religious Exploration and Youth Ministry, I often get to be the staff person seen sharing fun and joy. I love to role model how to celebrate the pleasures of life. But I deeply know that our community must also make room to support and care for each other on our darker days. Hard moments will unfortunately come for each of us, but know that we all will be there with loving hearts and helping hands when they do. We can cry together, mourn together, and just be sad together ... knowing that our happy memories and the love we have for each other is what will help us survive our hard challenges.

After any rain storm, there will be a rainbow waiting. Walking through the storm makes us appreciate even more the next time we get to see the sun and light again. Know that we will still be there ready to enjoy that with you as well.

Warm and loving blessings on your happy and sad days,
Roberta

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